Love and Understanding (Hiểu và Thương)

I. I Hear:

I notice that rules 2 and 3 out of the five rules in the Vietnamese Buddhist Youth Association (VBYA) Code of Conduct emphasize Love and Understanding:

(2) Love: As a Buddhist, I vow to practice compassion and respect the lives of all beings.

(3) Understanding: As a Buddhist, I vow to cultivate wisdom and respect the truth.

Love comprises the intention and ability to bring joy and happiness to those around us. Understanding helps distinguish what to do and what not to do to make others happy. Love and understanding form the basis of my behavior at the personal, family, as well as community level; they are the legacy of my family and spiritual ancestors. I honor my ancestors by practicing Love and Understanding as I contribute to my family, the communities, and myself that I serve in such a way as to cause purity in living, mindfulness in thinking, and true compassion. Practicing Love and Understanding will help reduce suffering and transform this world into present time Nirvana.

II. I Contemplate:

Why is it so difficult to practice Love and Understanding? One reason is that I do not completely understand the needs of my own body and mind. In order to love others, I have to begin with the foundation of loving myself. When I overeat, I hurt my stomach; when I smoke, I damage my lungs; when I get angry, I cloud my mind. When I succeed in loving myself, I can love others since others have the same needs to their bodies and minds as mine: we all are afraid of death and are vain about life; we all love fun and avoid suffering. In addition, to loving others, I must understand their wants, needs, and

what’s best for them and not for me. Unlike a mother expressing her love for her child by controlling her child’s life, I vow to practice love with understanding so I can provide to people what’s best for them and without attachment or expectation of what I want for them. To love someone without first understanding them, I inadvertently force my self-love and choices upon them and adversely cause pain and suffering to them. On the other hand, to give in to all wants and needs of a person is foolish and may spoil that person since his/her welfare may not be met by my good intentions and deeds.

III. I Practice: To cultivate the ability to understand, I practice looking deeply and listening carefully so I can see and hear things with mindfulness. This practice is skillful in penetrating below the surface and seeing into and appreciating the true nature of things. I practice recognizing that when my prejudice, expectation, and emotion are present, my ability to approach the true nature of things is compromised. I practice loving kindness from inside out, from small to large scale. First I practice loving myself by doing all I can so that my body and my mind are fed the proper nourishments: adequate and healthy foods for my body, character building and wholesome learning, entertainment, habit, and association for my mind. Next I project my love to the people near me with tasks small and easy to accomplish such as being respectful to my parents, comforting a friend in pain, or helping a hurt animal. Then I extend my love to strangers so my love is not attached by acknowledgement and payoff in return. Lastly, I offer my love, at least in kind acts, kind words, and prayer, to people who caused me pain and suffering so that they can find peace and happiness in their lives and in turn spill less anger towards me and others.